Is It Me?

After my divorce in 2002, I felt relieved, like a heavy weight had been lifted off my shoulders. My future looked bright and nothing seemed impossible. I decided to start my life over. I quit my job, sold my house and everything I owned (except for the basic essentials), and moved into a one bedroom apartment in the suburbs. Every day seemed exciting. I decided also to change careers...although the money was great, I was tired of working in IT. I wanted a career where I would have more interaction with people so I decided to pursue a study in Law. To support myself while in law school, I landed a job teaching business and computers part time at a local business college. Worried that the stress of school and work would affect my health, I decided to adopt a healthy lifestyle. I started eating healthy foods, and took great pride in my physical and mental well being by working out 1-2 hours a day. The pounds starting melting away. In its place, I started developing muscles I never thought existed. The most defining moment came when I decided to visit a friend inBaltimore, MD. I was anxious about being on an airplane since the last time I was on an airplane, I tipped the scales at 307 lbs - barely fitting in an airplane seat. This time, however, not only did I fit nicely in my seat, I even had wiggle room. Aaahhhh yes! My life was finally on the right track.

Then...I met him. My whole life slowly unraveled the moment I set eyes on BC. He was charming, sweet, attentive, and everything I ever wanted in a man. I fell head over heels in love! When we first met, I hadn't started school and he was off for three weeks. So with no job or responsibility to distract us, we devoted every minute of our lives being with each other. It was the most blissful three weeks of my life. BC was so attentive. He even wrote love poems pledging his love for me. He told me I was the most important person in his life and he even proved it by choosing to be with me during the holidays instead of going home down south to be with his family.

Then when the three weeks was over, school started and work started to interefere with our time together. It was harder to find the time to be together. Our relationship regressed into phone calls and emails. BC called me twice a day everyday, but it wasn't enough. We had to see each other. Then one day BC told me that he loved me and wanted to marry me, but he didn't want to come second in my life anymore. He told me that I was the most important person in his life and he wanted the same from me. We discussed our future together and somehow BC convinced me that between my studies and teaching at the college, I had no time left for him. Convinced that I had found my soulmate, I decided to show BC that he was the most important person in MY life as well. So the next day, without any hesitation, I dropped out of school. I was going to devote my whole life to building a future with this man! Life just kept getting better...so I thought.

For the next year, my work scheduled revolved around BC's schedule. Although BC had told me that he wanted to marry me, he never actually proposed. He told me that he wanted to surprise me with a memorable proposal. So just when I wasn't expecting it, he would pop the question on bended knee with a beautiful ring. He said it could be at any moment. It could happen when we're out walking on a beautiful breezy warm day or when we were alone dining at a nice restaurant. It could happen at anytime, he said, because every moment he spent with me was special. Like a dip shit I hung on to every word. Whenever he asked me to go for a stroll in the park, like a dog, I would jump at the opportunity. All the while waiting for this amazing proposal. Then one day, BC went away for a week to hunt in Kentucky. He called me several times a day to tell me he loved me and missed me. Then after 3 days apart, he told me that he was looking forward to coming home and that he had a SURPRISE for me. My heart jumped out of my chest! I knew what it was...GAWD I couldn't believe it...in a few days I was going to be engaged!!! OMG! So for the next four days, I was walking around in a daze. Daydreaming what it would be like to be married to my soulmate. To start a family and have little rugrats that looked like BC to love and hug and cuddle. I couldn't wait! Then the day came. I picked BC up from the airport and we rushed back home. After all the hugs and kisses, he pulled out a small red box. I yelped! He handed me the box and I opened it slowly....relishing every second! In the box was a shiny silver colored ring attached to a silver colored can! BC had bought me a gag-gift. He said he saw this can of "road kill" in Kentucky and immediately thought of me. He thought it was hilarious...the funniest thing he had ever seen and thought I would just die laughing had I seen it. I saw it. It was not funny. I didn't laugh. But I sure wanted to die! :(

Ever the optimist, I soldiered on believing that BC was going to proposed. More and more I changed myself to fit into his world. BC was a meat and potatoes kind of guy so I stocked the frigdge with steaks and made food only real men would eat. There was no room for lettuce or fruit. For dessert BC loved cupcakes and chocolates. Slowly I was losing my muscle mass and my body went soft. BC didn't like going for walks much now. He was obsessed with computer games and spent hours sometimes days glued to his laptop playing Star Wars Galaxy. Once when I couldn't take it anymore, I left to go shopping. On my way home my car just died. I called BC to rescue me. BC, my soulmate, decided to ignore my calls because he was too engrossed with his game. I had to call my neighbor who banged on the door and still BC didn't answer. I finally called a friend, Vicki, who had to go 30 miles to pick me up after my car was towed to an auto repair shop. When I walked in, BC didn't even acknowledge my return. The next day, after steaming for a day, I lost control and went into a verbal rage. BC had spent an entire week glued to his computer and ignored me. After my verbal rage ended BC was still ignoring me. So I decided to go online and chat with some friends. A half an hour later, I was chatting with my friend Scotti in California. He was telling me about his new girlfriend and I listened with envy. BC decided at that very minute we should go for a stroll in the park. Of course I was in the middle of a conversation. I told BC I should be done soon. Disregarding me completely, BC yanked my laptop and threw it out the window. Is it me or did my soulmate just turned into a monster?

The Virgin Blog

Birthdays are a funny thing with me. I have a love-hate relationship with my birthday. I was born on the 22nd of November. The only historical event that occurred on this day (that I am aware of at least) was the assassination of John F. Kennedy. Yeah, imagine... sharing a birthday with the anniversary of the assassination of a monumental historical figure. It pretty much set the tone for what my life was to be. To make matters worse, about every few years, my birthday falls on the fourth Thursday in November.... yes Turkey Day! So instead of a birthday party, I am jipped into sharing my birthday with a golden roasted turkey on Thanksgiving Day. And even if it didn't fall exactly on the fourth Thursday in November, since it is so close to Thanksgiving Day anyway, my birthdays were more about my mom practicing making a Thanksgiving Day feast and less about making my birthday cake. So I have always hated my birthday.

As I got older, I did have a few "terrific" birthdays, but they were few and far in between. Like the year I turned 17, I was in college and living in an apartment on campus. I had a big bash and about 30 of my friends came to celebrate the event which consisted of a keg, pizza, loud music, and dim lights. I don't remember much of that night, hence making it one of the best birthdays! A year later, my high school sweetheart proposed to me on my birthday and we were married for 13 years! The marriage ended in divorce, so the jury is still out on whether I should categorize that birthday under "teri-fic" or "teri-ble" (pun intended!). Moving on to the lesser "teri-fic" birthdays, I recall the worse birthday of all. Four days short of my 30th birthday, I was diagnosed with cancer. My birthdays have gone downhill after that. Most recently, on my 39th birthday, I had just gone out to lunch with my dear friend Betty and on my way home to celebrate the weekend with my husband. It was going to be the FIRST great birthday since that horrible one nine years earlier. My husband had worked to the bones to make it one of the more memorable birthdays. Two blocks away from the restaurant in which Betty and I had just had lunch, a couple of teenagers on a joy ride decided to hit my vehicle while I was stopped at a red light. I had minor injuries but because of my medical history, I was required to spend the next couple of days at the hospital getting tested for internal injuries. Yes, my birthday sux.